I am here. Now.

“Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away.”

I haven’t written anything in a while. I will, soon! Just that I’ve been enjoying the little holiday from work by turning into a GIANT sloth. I eat, surf the net, watch TV series, and sleep. Day in, day out.

Actually I have so many things which I need want need to write about. It’s all in my head, but the ideas are all muddled together now. It’s a mess in there. I need to dump everything here so I can start thinking clearly again. Being the introvert that I am, I’ve always find that writing down my thoughts helps me to gain better understanding of my current situation and myself. So which is why I need to stop being a sloth for at least three hours and write something.

After dinner though. Another thing about me: I can’t think clearly when I’m unfed.

Lost and Found.

I just moved to my new place. There this smell in this place that reminds me of my old house in Dandenong Road. I don’t know what is the source of it, maybe it’s the smell of foodstuff in the kitchen or the wooden cabinets. I remember I was depressed in the first few weeks I was in that house. I hated the weather, I missed my life and the people I know in Sunway.

And that’s exactly how I feel now, too. I hate the weather in KL, I can hardly see the blue sky here. The sky is perpetually being blocked by smog from the city. I miss Sunway. I miss the familiarity. Three years worth of memories. This is despite the fact that the faces I once knew are no longer around, being replaced by new faces with naivety in their eyes.

In the foresight, I have a feeling that that things will turn out to be a lot similar to those few months in Dandenong Rd. Just because I am currently facing the same issues: new environment, new friends AND long distance relationship. It’s going to be tough to adjust but I need to persevere because once I “get the hang” of things, it WILL be easier. One important lesson which I learnt in those few months: I need to find contentment in people/things that I have around me rather than pining for those who/which are missing.

Road Not Taken

I dream of going to faraway places, to see the sights, to hear the sounds, and explore. . . but I have to put this dream on hold for now. What could I have done years ago that would change my fate today. Maybe if I was in a different industry. Maybe, maybe.

Do you want to know why I wanted to join this industry? I thought I could be one of the jet-setting career women. To be able to travel to major financial capitals for business, meet highly successful corporate people and have so much disposable income to travel around the world. At the end of the day, I want to be financially independent so I don’t have to ever actively work for money. Let the money work for me. Ambitious much?

Disillusionment sets in. I am now 21. How long would it take me to reach that point? I don’t like my job. How much of my soul do I need to sell in order to get to that point? Now, what did my parents teach me about instant gratification?

I had a long talk with the Boyfriend and he advised me to take up the job offer at the Company. I see his point, it’s very sensible to grab a job offer while it stands, a very good job offer at that.

My heart tells me to go on and follow my dreams because we only live once… but my mind tells me to stay because a missed opportunity to start my career now may prove to be costly in the future.

Which one would I regret more? I wish we could live more than once because I can’t sleep well at night thinking about the other option. Always wondering “What if”. . .